I vividly recall getting my first dose of hypocrisy in 9th grade. I was always a year younger than my classmates and maybe a bit of a late bloomer. I embraced high school and loved the environment, football games and of course the upperclassmen boys! However, I had not been prepared for the upperclassmen girls that would be at home sharpening their claws and planning to attack me; the sweet, angel baby of a freshmen as I set my sights on their particular crush. I was lucky to meet, "Stacy". She was a Junior and we met during lunch. I was thrilled to have her as a friend being that she was 16 and she had a car. Due to our grade difference, we had no classes together but hung out after school and on the weekends often for roughly six months. We talked about boys, make up, music, etc. I had many other friends but I did spend a good bulk of my time with her and I was happy about my new friendship.
One day early that Spring during lunch (Stacy was absent), a girl that I barely knew mentioned something to me that I had only told Stacy. I must have looked shocked because she asked me to go to the restroom with her to talk. She explained that Stacy had not only told her that particular secret, she had spilled a lot to a lot of other people and more importantly to my "crush". Now, while I was young I was not a moron and knew about catty bitches but the reason why I was drawn to Stacy was because she was always talking about morals and "being the person that you truly are". Her mother even had told me once that she had ended friendships because she didn't tolerate backstabbing or gossip. Hmmmm ... I was obviously upset, I was 16 years old and just found out that my so-called "friend" is a hypocrite. What's a girl to do? I made a phone call that evening and asked her if this was true. I could tell by the hesitation and her nervousness that it was but she maintained her innocence. Nothing was solved that night but the next day, the girl from lunch brought me 3 notes that Stacy had written to her and 1 from another girl, all discussing me. Stacy had very distinct handwriting so I made photocopies and set out to clear the air.
This crazy bitch got mad and Girl 1 and Girl 2 (attempting to divert my attention). She was busted. She knew it. I knew it but here is the girl that was so passionate about honesty and true friends was the one that was digging then twisting that bloody knife in my back. LESSON LEARNED. Her family moved to California that summer and I never saw her again but did tell her that I hoped that she had packed a double mirror so that she could check out both sides of her face before starting any new friendships in Cali.
Now, I was young and that kind of stuff happens all the time. My point today is more about the double standard, in an adult world.
Love yourself and be accepting of others. Own your mistakes but also your successes. Be emotionally available (this is something that I am working on every single day).
Something has been missing in my heart, I want a true partner, I want love and I want someone that will Own It!
