Good times, good times, good times ...

It is Monday.

I am well rested after a relaxing weekend at Lake Cypress Springs in Mt. Vernon with PBF (her BF has a beautiful home on the lake), her girls, The Kidlet and me.  BF's 19 year old son joined us as well and he became my new BFF after discovering that he has a med card in Colorado (meaning he can get weed legally) and that his twin brother is a gay porn star!  He was highly entertaining to say the least.

We enjoyed the time on the lake, boating, swimming and mostly sweating our tails off in 106 degree heat.  19 Year old was into techno music and talking about his DJ gigs in Colorado so while jammin' to his stuff, PBF and I kicked it old school and shared some of our favorite, Lords of Acid - I Sit On Acid.

PBF and I morphed into Betty Crocker and Paula Dean in the kitchen.  Not exactly but we did make a fantastic dinner on Saturday night and received rave reviews from the crowd.  I almost cut off my finger but paper towels and band aids kept it together.

We also had a discussion on words that people say that drive us nuts so I put together this little blurb that will make sense to no one but the lake crowd.  Enjoy below in blue ....

Dear "Doyle",

I hope that I have not ruined our plans to travel from "Warsh-ington" to "Huuu-ston".  I often get, "flust-rated" after consuming, "eaaa-ggs" which I know will strengthen my "leaaa-ggs" and an opportunity to say, "Do you like my body" yet often in public; I tend to make a scene and "se-CUR-ity" will be called.  It is embarrassing only if I resist and an "am-ba-lance" arrives.  My friends and "I's" give in at this point hoping that others can feel "let".  "Anyways" I just hope that you can have a "bless" day and always remember,

"Yo quiero Taco Bell"!

Truly, madly, deeply,

Kim

Tortured Ovaries

Why are my ovaries causing such agony?

Being near a newborn baby.

I have not been within a 50 miles radius of a newborn in over two years, if not longer. There is a reason (other than I have had no family of friends that have recently been knocked up)I get B A B Y  F E V E R.  I get BABY FEVER real bad.

Babies smell so good, they make the most adorable little noises, their feet fit in my mouth, they do not talk back and have to listen to you, they rely on you even if no one else can ... it is like a euphoria but do not be fooled!

Cause:  Infant Meth

Please observe this photo of me holding an angelic newborn.  Don't I look happy?  Doesn't he?  Can you not hear a softened lullaby?

Cause:  Infant Meth

Oh yes, his mother is a friend and I am certain that she did not intend for her baby to put me under his spell but; it happened.  I have had nothing but thoughts of little fingers, little toes, Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo, blue, pink, binkies, strollers, rompers, booties and Pampers all evening.

What is even worse than BABY FEVER?

S I B L I N G  F E V E R which is brought on by an only child (roughly age 8.25 years old) that thinks that life would be so much better with a baby.

Cause:  Infant Meth

I urge each and every one of you; please do not put yourself in close proximity to a newborn baby.  The Infant Meth epidemic is spreading faster than the obesity crisis in America.

Here is a free tip to safeguard you against IM, are you ready?

Take a look at the child that you already have and ask yourself if after you send that one to college; will you still have the finances to feed yourself let alone a baby (wink, wink, smirk, and grin)?  I have my hands full with my baby below that still has me addicted.

Things on Tuesday

LOVES:
*  I had a kick ass birthday week!
*  I am in the middle of a great business deal that keeps getting better by the day.  TOP DOLLAR WITH THE GOLD FLEA COLLAR, HOLLA AT ME!
*  Baby Ryland made his debut yesterday (The Kidlet and I will visit Mommy and Baby later today)
*  After hearing the news of Baby Ryland's debut, The Kidlet went into a funk about not being a big sister and how life as an 8 year old is so unfair then made this unforgettable statement:
"Mommy, you do know that we can just go to a hospital, they have tons of "baby childs" there and we can pick the one that doesn't cry or poop".
*  Upcoming mini-vacay to a lake getaway.
*  Recognized.  Acted.  Bolted.  Deleted.
*  Matt & Kim (not My Mattie and Me ... for the record)
*  Gymnastics camp that wears my Kidlet out by 1pm each day this week.

LOATHES:
*  James Holmes, what the F*CK is wrong with you?  (Post re: Colorado Dark Knight Shooting coming later today).
*  Insomnia
*  Contracts and Contacts
*  After getting my sweet ride washed at the car wash this AM, not being able to figure out how to turn off my emergency flashers.  Like any true gangsta, I had to pull out the manual.
*  (Email) Find out what XYZ LinkedIn contact is up to?  Who cares?  Not me.

Keep it real this Tuesday.

I'm sorry but my stepfather shot up my laptop.

Just kidding!

I apologize for the lack of blog posts.  I had a very busy birthday week that morphed into a successful business week.

I have lots to say and promise to post soon.  Don't hold your breath though, I can't lose even one reader ;)

Have a most productive Monday and always practice basic gun safety.  Bang, bang, pow.

Birthdays

Remember when you 5 years old, you just wanted to be 7? When you were 8 years old, you just wanted to be 10?  And on and on?  At 18 you were dying to be 21?  I miss those days immensely.

Cindy, The Devil Cat

Today is my birthday.  In the grand scheme of things, I am truly happy to still be here.  I am so grateful to have my Kidlet, a great family and lots of fabulous friends but getting older is not-so-much fun after age 30.

Saucy Aussie and Kimmie
* This is the 1st photo of us
without a wine glass in hand.

I had a wonderful weekend in Houston with The Kidlet in tow.  I was able to see my favorite Australian (and met the most disturbing feline ever, see photo), my grandparents, two other girlfriends and one "ex-flavor for a few months", all crammed into 48 hours.  This week is going to be busy and I have post bday celebratory plans for the coming weekend so let the official birthday week begin.  Here's to having a heartbeat, brain function and the ability to make decisions for myself.  Cheerio!

TTT: Tacky Text to Tears

I am thrilled that I have reached over 1000 views on my blog (thank you Blogger for alerting me this morning).  Since many of my readers are cyber-friends, I want to thank you and say that I appreciate your support.  This blog is much different than my Vox blog in that I do not rely on the Blogger community to enhance my reader count.  I have added my URL to several sites that incorporate various topics as well as providing targeted ads.

With all of that being said, I feel that I can safely post the photo text that I received below from a "real life" friend.  I cannot reveal the source or the caption that followed.  Just note that I almost caused a near collision on Hwy 114 when I received by laughing hysterically.  Carry on.

Rabbit stew anyone?

According to Wikipedia:

Abracadabra is an incantation used as a magic word in stage magic tricks, and historically was believed to have healing powers when inscribed on an amulet. The word is thought to have its origin in the Aramaic language, in which ibra (אברא) means "I have created".

And apparently unbeknownst to me, I was a believer in magic tricks.  Go figure.

I love most Bravo reality shows but have had no desire to watch the new one hour waste of time, Miss Advised.  Today, three of my friends referenced this damn show.  Finally, I semi-viewed an episode while working and eating.  I am no fan but one of the gals on the show made a decent comment; "I need to accept who he is in reality NOT what I want him to be".

Light bulb moment!  Sit up straight listening.  Catch a clue! Tune in and on.  It sank in!

I have been guilty of this not only recently but for many years. I fell victim to any sappy romantic movie from the time I was 13 until yesterday by thinking that those stories are "real life". Those men are really out there and the stories always end with the boy and girl together, forever.  I know that they are movies BUT they do plant seeds in your head that you could also have that perfect relationship.  A romance that is free of fighting, being misunderstood, dealing with friends and family issues, forgetting to put a toilet seat down, hating their cat, meeting their ex wife, introducing kids into the equation, being pissed because you show up late to dinner or even deciding to not attend at all; these are real situations and "those" relationships do not exist.  WAKE UP SISTER!

Still fuzzy on the topic?  Think square peg, round hole ... it doesn't work no matter how hard you try.  I think that it can be the same for men by wishing for woman to look like Heidi Klum all of the time, being prim and proper in public but a minx in the bedroom all while being able to cook and miraculously keeping a clean house, work a full time job and raise 2.5 children that will one day attend Harvard and find the cure for cancer AND eagerly jump at the opportunity to hang out with his college friends.

Both examples are obviously exaggerated but you get it.  I have had several long term relationships that I was guilty of ignoring reality and hoping for the magical transformation. Obviously as a single girl these days they did not work.  I'm not saying it was that I was perfect because that is far from the truth.  My new rule is that when I recognize something early on that could be seen as a quirk or a little odd, I need to address it, resolve and move on.

This is in process effective immediately.  I think the world of my sweet Dr. Rob.  He is handsome, funny, digs music, loves his kids and dogs but his ex wife is bat shit crazy.  I have dealt with this scenario once in my life (I nicknamed her Betty Broderick, don't know the name, Google it.  You would have bolted too!) and I don't want to bring that mama drama into my relationships.  We are still in contact and if the woman were to step in front of a bus tomorrow, I would be back to the mad crush but the chances of that happening are slim.

AB, God bless him.  He is a great man and I like him but I can tell that he is ready for a real relationship.  I cannot honestly say that I am at this point.  We shall see.  He makes me laugh hysterically, I love his style and his shaved head, he comes from a good family and he is a very good father to his son. However, AB is in the oil and gas industry and travels 2-3 days each week.  Hmmm...  should not be a deal breaker but not ideal.

No one is going to be perfect, you take the good with the bad and if the person is worth it; you make it work.  I guess that I have not found that one yet but I know that he is out there and I will find him.... hopefully before I hit the big 5-0.

I just threw out all of my black top hats, broke my magic wand and boiled the two rabbits that I had left from my bag o' tricks. I'm gettin' real.

Holiday Weekend = SUCCESS

July 4th 2012, it was F-A-B-U!  I had a friend in from out of town, we kicked it country-style on the 4th at Billy Bob's Texas and saw Willie Nelson in concert.  I got an early birthday present, a GS Resistol cowboy hat.  Took in dinner and a band one night at The Woodshed in Fort Worth and logged many hours poolside with a little lime/coconut/vodka.  Fun times, good friends and great music.  Happy Birthday America!

Back to the real world and ready to make this Monday my bitch.

Muah,

Nothing says Happy July 4th like a little, stinky old man.

Oh yes friends, Willie Nelson in concert!  Jealous?

The Magic GNO

After many weeks of planning for Girls Night Out centered around the premiere of Magic Mike, it took place on Friday night.  And, it was magical ... not really but it was a ton o' fun. So much fun that I could barely walk on Saturday due to massive pain in my hip.  Acting like a Solid Gold Dancer for hours on super high heals is apparently hard on the body.  Who knew?

GNO + Magic Mike + Glass Cactus + Warrant in concert = Hella-Fun

I did not even get a group photo of all of the attendees but have no fear, July GNO is coming soon!

Going in the memory box for sure.

$100 bill of MM Money in the mouth.