First and foremost, I am not a hoarder. If you know me at all, you know that I am borderline obsessive/compulsive about organization and cleanliness. If you ask my Kidlet what makes this Mommy happy, she will reply with, "a clean house".
I have seen this show previewed but never actually watched until Sunday. I was totally disgusted with how these people accumulated so much junk and were able to function in (what they thought) a normal environment.
Here is my question ... these people did not just become this way over a 6-12 month period. It had to have slowly started at some point to get to where they are now. Right? Did anyone in their life not notice the early signs? Did others just not care? These people had to know down deep that they had a problem. Or did they?
It made me think a bit about me and wonder when I began putting up my very tall walls. The most obvious answer is losing my father and brother within a short period of time. As I recently told my boyfriend, the pain was so intense and the recovery was long. I never wanted to feel that again. I think back to 2001-2002 as I could have done more to help myself move forward in a healthy way but I suffered through it alone. Why did I not reach out? I guess that my family was grieving as well and I did not want to add my problem on to theirs. Most of my friends at the time had never lost anyone close to them and I didn't want to make it uncomfortable.
Those are excuses and I take 100% of the blame. I'm reading a book that shall remain nameless that is all about dealing with tough situations and extreme emotion. Even though these events happened in my past, there are things that I am doing now to aid me in my future.
So, here is a toast to my father and brother. I miss you both dearly and think of you daily but I need to stop sabotaging relationships for fear of failure and heartache and start building them.
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