The Importance of Appreciation

I recently read through my journals from the last few years which brings back a flood of emotions.  I have written in them sporadically since college not knowing how important that they would become in what I now call, "The Evolution of Me".

I am guilty of blogging about fluff topics and rarely post anything that is too deep.  As much as people think that I share on this blog or my previous blog, I only scratch the surface of what is going on in my head.  I keep very personal thoughts or feelings to myself only to be shared with paper and pen.  Revisiting old journal entries has me thinking a bit about why I kept some of this stuff to myself.  I think that writing things out often forces me to stay organized.  It doesn't matter if it is my daily To Do list or journal-ling on and off depending on what is happening IRL.

I have been told that I am guarded/closed off/apprehensive.  It is not that I cannot recognize why others would say that about me but I don't feel that I am this way at all.  Am I a hard nut to crack?  ABSOLUTELY but once I feel a connection regardless of it being professional, personal or romantic, I get "there" with people.

I will say that I am not exactly an open book.  I have never been someone that will lay it all out there to anyone that will listen.  I like to try and figure things out on my own first as I should as a functioning adult.  It is difficult for me to ask for help.  When people ask, "how are you"?  It is natural to respond with, "I am great".  This is normal not only because most people ask to be polite but you do not want to sound like a grouchy person if you actually tell the truth about how you are really doing.  I know that I am not alone in thinking this way.

I do think that I need to be more open with the important people in my life, I'm working on that.  After reading over these entries, I know that I was not alone and could have alleviated some of these stressful times in my life by leaning on others.  I have so many people in my life that have done such a fantastic job of being there for me in college, marriage, divorce, moving, dating, changing jobs, finances, etc.  I am quite fortunate to have had (still have) these people for support.  For that, I am extremely thankful and hopeful to grow these relationships further.

If I haven't told you lately, I appreciate YOU.